Today, I had the pleasure of being hated on. Wow, can you believe it?
Anyone who knows me will sense that I live by Maya Angelou’s quote, “People may not remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.” My intention is to always leave people feeling better about themselves than they did before they met me. In fact, I teach rapport building skills as a Leadership and Life Coach. Basically, after a workshop I attended today, a few of us lingered behind to connect with the facilitator. I was smiling at a woman as she asked a question. So, it surprised me when I heard in a mumbling voice, “Why are you staring at me? You have poor social skills.”
Her comment actually made me feel sorry for her initially, and then my ego got offended. You know the “What the …” reaction. Fortunately, that only lasted a couple seconds. So, I smiled again and said. “Thank you for your feedback.” Our facilitator who overheard this was shocked and as the woman left the room, the facilitator acknowledged me for my emotional intelligence (eQ).
But, it had me consider, what was this woman thinking as I smiled at her? Was she just self-conscious, insecure or does she have low self-esteem? Does it matter? I know, I am not what someone says about me. This morning, she had drunk the Hateraid. [Definition: Something you suggest someone drink when they're being a hater, or hating on someone or something.] And, for some reason she forgot who she was or maybe she’s never awakened to who she truly is or can be.
My belief is that she saw something in me that she desired, my freedom of self-expression or generosity with people who I’ve just met. Or, how I sit in the front of the classroom and actually participate.
One of my friends, Doreen Rainey, during her 2012 Get RADICAL Women’s Conference mentioned she did not ‘like’ Speaker Lisa Nichols at first. Now, I LOVE Lisa – always have, always will. And, while attending the eWomenNetwork Conference, through my coaxing Doreen had the opportunity to observe Lisa speak from the Main stage. This transformed her entire perception of Lisa. To date, Doreen booked Lisa as one of her conference keynote speakers and is currently one of Ms. Nichols’ clients. And, their work together is making a huge impact on the expansion of Doreen’s business. It’s interesting, she couldn’t pinpoint why she didn’t like Lisa. I would intuit that there was something she saw that called her forth so powerfully that it confronted who she knew herself to be. I know – deep right? Well, this is at a subconscious level.
Admittedly, I watch reality TV on occasion and one of the Basketball Wives (or soon to be wife) is famous for saying, “You’re not about this life!” Well, I wouldn’t go that far to agree with her quote. But, I will say that often what we envy or ‘hate on’ in another is exactly what we wish were present in our life. Thus, the green-eyed monster appears and throws us completely out of character.
My Mentor Ali Brown mentioned in one of her articles, ‘envy can be good if it highlights something you desire and powerfully calls you into action to obtain it.’ And, whether it’s a way of being, doing or having; please know that this energetic pull you may be experiencing can be used for good and not for evil.
So, be envious if it calls you forth, catch yourself rolling your eyes if somewhere in your subconscious you awaken a desire in yourself. Or, if perhaps you misspeak about a person and have to apologize later, that’s okay, too. Just be responsible for your thoughts, behaviors and words, as they shape your world.
The bottom line: Remember, you’re nobody until somebody hates on you. So, don’t drink the Hateraid, you’re way to powerful for that.
“Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. ~Buddha
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